Giving Up
by Tvmatchmaker795
Summary: He heard that death was like sleeping. It was a way to escape the pain. He understood that now. But he doesn't want to die bitter and angry. He wants to remember the simpler days where life was not so damn complicated. Dark-Ben.


They don't know what it is like. Ben brushes by them hurriedly as they send weird glances at each other. He can't stand it. The looks shared between them, casting judgments on him. Both of them are guilty of sending him condescending gazes from time to time. It bothers the hell out of him. What hurts the most is the pity. Oh the pity that passed over Gwen's face drives him up the walls.

He knows that he should be more understanding. He knows that they don't understand… but maybe that is what bothers him the most. He realizes that they can never understand. Gwen and Kevin will never know the sacrifices he has given. He gave up his whole childhood for the world. He dedicated himself to giving all of him to being a hero. He had to push away anyone he loved to protect them. With bitterness and anger, Ben shoves his way through the crowd at the mall. They have each other. They don't have to know what sacrifice is because everyday they can comfort and protect the one they love because they are right there! He feels his rage boiling to an edge as he continues trying to escape reality. Any thing is better than this inexplicable anger and dissatisfaction that is eating away at his soul.

Lately, he has noticed his own behavior becoming more dark and cruel. He wants to lash out at those around him although he manages to restrain himself. It annoys him to see Gwen and Kevin so happy. How come he doesn't get his happy ending? Why does he have to be the one to give up so much? They don't see it. They don't see the change in him… or at least Kevin doesn't. He isn't sure about Gwen. But then again, he is never sure about Gwen. A part of him thinks that she is purposely avoiding seeing the darkness in him but the other part hopes that she is just gathering the courage to confront him about it. Unfortunately Gwen has never been the one to take time gathering courage to do something. So it is either she is so blinded by Kevin or she is purposely not caring. He can't decide which is more infuriating to him. His chest feels tight as he thinks about the past. Nostalgia is a bitch. He remembers when they were almost inseparable. That was the days of simple emotions and situations. They would always be there to protect each other from anything. Maybe that is what is making him so irate. Knowing that what they had is gone because of their own actions. She let Kevin snake his way into her heart and shove him out of the way. Now, the only way she looks at him is if an alien is about to kill him.

So once again, they will never know the tension, the stress and the sacrifices he has to deal with on a day to day basis. He clenches his teeth in frustration as the cold bitter wind bites at his nose. It almost feels good in a weird way. This is how he knows he is alive. The pain. How sad and sadistic is that! All that is left of him is the nerves that tell him that his body can't take it. His mind has been gone for a while. The sweet, heroic Ben is gone. Hell, heroics flew out the window a long time ago. Now, he tries to put himself in danger because somewhere deep inside of him he hopes that someday his luck will run out. That way he can see, in heaven or in hell, who really cares for him. That is all he has wanted. He would sacrifice his life in an instant if someone who he loved needed him too. But he isn't so sure if it would be the other way around. That is what makes his heart hurt and his mind fume with barely controllable rage. No one notices the subtle hints that all he wants is to know someone cares enough to ask. NO one has asked about why he is brooding and so dark lately. His life has become one spiral into darkness.

He has heard that death is like sleeping. That it is a heavy blanket that covers us all in a warm embrace that is welcomed by few but covers all. It relieves those who are in pain, like a forgiving soul who mercifully grants one last wish to end the misery… the pain. Some would say he is suicidal because of these morbid thoughts. _No._ Suicide is for those who have nothing to live for. His situation is exactly the opposite. He has so much to live for but it seems like nothing he does helps. He would die for those he lives for. His existence could be seen as a destiny to save the world. But he might not want to die for the world. No. he would die for his family and friends. If they need him to sacrifice himself for them, although they might not care, he will. He will give himself a reason to fight even if they don't. He will fight for his life everyday. He will fight monsters and aliens for them even though they won't appreciate it like they should. Gwen will never look at him like she used to. Kevin will never smile at him like he deserves the title of hero. His grandpa might have the decency to smile at him like what he is doing on a day to day basis makes him proud but that is because he has to. Who else will?

Ben approaches his destination. If this guy wanted to fight him to see if Ben 10 could fight as a human and not as aliens then so be it. He could get out his anger, boost his ego and take down a bad guy all in one evening. The guy's name is Dirk. He is half alien half human. Those are always the dangerous because they can adapt to the hostile environments and blend into the human world. But he doesn't care anyway. All the anger built up inside him needs an outlet or else he might do something stupid.

He sees the alien in the distance. His uncontrollable rage grows as the alien leers at a passerby that reminds him of Gwen. Hell every girl on the streets reminds him of Gwen. He wants to reach out and try to make each one real. He lets a dark laugh. He smiles for a moment as he thinks back to the one day that he was stupid enough to try that. The poor girl he grabbed thought he was going to kidnap her or something. She had the most terrified look on her face when he smiled genuinely at her. Is he that much of a monster that even strangers know the darkness within him? Of course he apologized profusely and even tried to flirt a little but as soon as she knew he wasn't going to harm her, she quickly left. That thought doesn't have time to pester his mind for too much longer because he soon finds himself in the alley where the fight is going down. He nervously glances at the video camera of the bar next to the alley that is staring right at him. Fighting isn't illegal or anything but if Ben 10 were to be caught on tape fighting ruthlessly like he feels like doing then it wouldn't be so pretty for his family. They probably would be subject to ridiculous question from the press like what caused his psychopathic tendencies to beat up half monsters in alleys. Ben can't help but feel like he should cause his family just a little bit of humiliation. He rigorously shakes his head at the thought. His parents shouldn't have to witness their son in such a dark state of mind. He has gotten good at hiding his anger when he is home. Taking a step in more towards the depths of the alley, he watches the video camera carefully. He lets out a sigh of relief when the camera doesn't follow him. He won't need to disable it.

"Getting comfortable there, Tennyson?" The rough voice echoes through the fog that has accumulated in the gap between buildings. Ben immediately goes on high alert and tries to groom through the fog to see his foe. He plants his feet firmly on the ground and crouches, ready to fight.

"You wish. I was just getting psyched to beat up a worthless piece of shit criminal." Ben snarls as he pushes deeper into the mist. His eyes scan for any swift movement as he strains to hear anything. It is like natures soundproofing. His mind gone off on a tangent, Ben cannot comprehend the movement fast enough to evade a swift kick to his chest. He lets out a groan of pain.

"I caught you there Ben. Aren't paying attention, are we?" Dirk teases. Ben growls as he gets fed up with being at a disadvantage.

"We agreed that we would test our natural skills, Dirk. This fog ruins that. You don't want to say that fog was how you beat up Ben 10, now do you?" Ben knows this will get Dirk to clear the ghostly air away. The poor bastard can't help but do whatever he thinks will boost his criminal status. His ears perk up when a large sucking sound is heard. Suddenly the air around him rushes towards the right of him. He immediately faces that direction and waits for the fog to clear. He glares at the sight of Dirk swallowing the last of the fog. Dirk can control the temperature in a closed area and do a lot of things with it. Ben once got a killer case of the flu because he underestimated him.

He looks Dirk up and down to size up the challenge. Dirk is a hefty man probably weighing around 250 and 6 foot tall. His dark long hair is pulled back in a pony tail that shows all the collected grease in his hair. Ben may be about 5'7" but he has learned how to take on guys like Dirk. Albeit it has been with his watch most of the time.

"Okay, hero. We can see each other now. The field is even." Dirk sneers. Ben just shrugs and charges toward the burly man. Dirk smiles as Ben collides lightly with his muscular stomach. Ben manages to force Dirks legs to fall underneath him. Dirk grabs his collar and drags him down to the nasty ground. Ben angrily punches Dirk's face before recoiling from the pain in his hand. It really hurts to punch someone as a human. Dirk smiles before pushing Ben onto his back and slams his fist into Ben's stomach. Ben lets out a groan and tries to curl up around his stomach but Dirk gets up and drags Ben up too.

"Come on boy. You are supposed to be a hero. Give me more of a challenge than this. I am sure that Gwen would not be impressed." Dirk lifts Ben higher than the ground as Ben's legs dangle. At the mentioning of Gwen, Ben becomes inexplicably angrier. He remembers the anger and rage that he felt walking over here. He remembers the looks of simple acceptance when he told them the lame excuse that he was going for a walk. Gwen and Kevin had muttered a half assed reply before snuggling back into Gwen's couch. She didn't even ask where he was going. Ben feels his whole body fuming in rage. He suddenly kicks Dirk right between the legs and feels himself fall when Dirk lets go.

"Do not mention her!" He yells out. Ben runs and kicks Dirk repeatedly in the ribs as he is curled on the ground. Once his foot meets Dirks chest for the third time, Dirk manages to grab his foot and pull him to the ground. Dirk punches Ben right in the lip. Both guys scramble away from each other and try to recover. They both breathe heavily as they stare hatefully at each other. Ben ignores the taste of blood in his mouth as he charges again. They clash and a minute later they both separate for another break. By this time, Ben has a black eye forming and Dirk has sore ribs and a large welt on his jaw. Dirk spits out into the street.

"What is wrong, Ben. Girl got your tongue and your balls?" Dirk smiles as he tries to taunt Ben some more. It is not that he is getting mad at Dirk for teasing him with stupid come backs, it's just that when he thinks of Gwen and Kevin, all the darkness he tries to hide comes out. He doesn't want to sacrifice anything more for them but he will anyway. Stupid hero complex. Feeling another temper coming on, Ben snarls at Dirk. He wants Dirk to be the first one to make the move now.

"I bet you would know what that feels like, don't you Dirk!" Ben knows that Dirk is not patient at all and he cannot keep his temper. Dirk lets out a loud battle cry before running full speed at Ben. Ben easily predicts where Dirk is going and he moves out of the way then grabs the back of Dirk's shirt and pulls him into a head lock. With his spare arm, Ben starts punching Dirk in the spot where he kicked him. It hurts a lot more to punch weakly on an already sore spot than a new one. Dirk flips Ben over his shoulder and lets Ben drop to the ground. Ben lets out a groan when the wind gets knocked out of him. Dirk smiles before kicking Ben in the shoulder with all his force. Ben screams out when he senses his shoulder come out of the socket. It probably isn't good when his primary punching hand is connected to the shoulder that was disconnected. Dirk stops for a moment and admires his work.

"Now you know pain Tennyson."

Ben quickly stands up and grabs his shoulder as Dirk starts walking away. This can't be over. He isn't done yet. In a fit of rage, Ben yells out to Dirk. "We aren't done yet, Dirk! Don't be the coward who walks away." Somehow, he knows that was over the line. Their fight was done, Dirk obviously felt like sparing him but Ben wanted to feel the adrenaline more so he called Dirk the one thing that he never was supposed to. _Coward._ He sees Dirk immediately tense up and stop walking. Ben actually feels the courage he had moments ago drain his body when Dirk turns around. Dirk's eyes have gone from hazel to almost black with rage. It doesn't seem like a psycho getting ready to fight a kid for glory. Ben sees the dark intentions Dirk has now that he has crossed the line. It's no longer for ego boosts and boosting rights. Dirk was there to kill now.

Taking a couple steps back, Ben tries to push away the fear that tightens around his heart. Even though thousands of aliens have tried to kill him before, this one feels different. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ben knows he deserves this. Looking up at the camera in the alley, Ben decides to make a speech just in case this ends badly.

"I'm sorry. I know I didn't deserve you sparing my life and I have a feeling you now know that too. I am sorry for feeling so angry with myself and the world that I had to take it out on another… person." Ben watches in despair as the situation escalates drastically. Dirk takes out a revolver and points it at his chest. Ben looks up into the camera one more time to distract himself from what is to come. "I am sorry, Grandpa. I didn't deserve your support all these years. Gwen… I just want you to know that Kevin kind of turned you into a bitch." Out of the corner of his eye, Ben sees Dirk stop and think of that comment. He knows that Dirk is letting him say his goodbyes as a last courtesy to his victim. "I mean that I cannot believe that you haven't noticed my attitude. Do you really not give a shit about me? Because that is what I picked up on and that really screwed me over. I care about you so much but apparently you don't care about me. I have sacrificed so much for the world and for you! You will never know what it is like to give up everything." Ben's voice cracks. "I have had to push away everyone I love because that was the only way I could protect them." He glares up at the camera. "Oh and Kevin, get the hell off my cousin!"

The sound reaches his ears before the pain. His mind goes blank when his body catches up. He pales when he sees the hole in his chest along with the sight of smoke coming out of Dirk's gun. His eyes glaze over when he collapses to the ground.

People say that it isn't that dramatic when you get shot. It hurts like hell and you have to stop the blood. But Ben couldn't help it when his legs refused to support a body that was already giving up. Suddenly he cannot get enough air and his lungs refuse to get enough oxygen. Lying on his back and placing his hand over his wound, Ben lies in his own pool of blood forming. He hears Dirk's heavy footsteps running deeper into the alley and eventually die down.

Ben closes his eyes and tries to think about something other than the excruciating pain. A tear slips out of his unwilling eye. Gathering the last strength he has, Ben manages to speak weakly. He knows Gwen will get the camera's audio to listen to his words later on. He opens his eyes and stares at the camera. "I don't want to die angry Gwen. I don't want to feel this way anymore." He can't help the tears that follow his words. He will not cry. He cannot cry. He won't let them see the weakness he has managed to hide all along.

As the sounds of sirens fill his ears, Ben experiences no pain anymore. That scares the shit out of him. He has watched enough shows to know that when the pain leaves and you grow cold then death is hovering above you, waiting to put its blanket over you. Suddenly feeling the need to feel something other than fear and anger he tries to think about a happy memory. His mind races to find something before his body quits on him. By now the sirens are getting closer and closer. Ben finally remembers something that has always made him smile no matter what. He genuinely smiles at looks at the camera as his eyes grow dreary. Before he can speak, he starts coughing and blood fills his mouth and spews out. Ben lies his head back down and grunts as his chest tightens and the grip of death tightens. He sighs contently and smugly grins at the camera one last time.

"I remember when life was simple. 10 year olds didn't think about anything other than themselves. I loved living in the Rustbucket with you and Grandpa. Remember when you tried to teach me how to dance? God, epic fail."

He has heard that death is like sleeping. That it is a heavy blanket that covers us all in a warm embrace that is welcomed by few but covers all. It relieves those who are in pain, like a forgiving soul who mercifully grants one last wish to end the misery… the pain. He finally understands that as his last breaths are taken as someone shrieks his name.


End file.
